A follow up to my resignation letter....

My friends,

I never imagined such an outreach of support and love from all those who commented on my last post, which was my resignation letter to the church. I wanted to clarify some things that will answer some questions.

My letter does state some specific greivences that I had with church leadership and policy. But, I want to make it very clear that in addition to the bad things that have happened, there were also MANY wonderful and beautiful moments within the church and among its members.

In a later post, I will share some special moments I had on my mission in Las Vegas and at the Conference Center. But I wanted to mention just some of the many.

I am so very blessed to have wonderful friends. They are true examples of living the LDS gospel principles. I am so fortunate to have known and worked with an Institute teacher (his name I will not mention for privacy) who has been my mentor and guide since the day I moved to Utah. He truly has inspired me to become a better person, and has ALWAYS defended me and helped me in times of trouble. I am sure if he reads this, he knows who is his. Thank you, my dear friend, for all you have done and all you continue to do.

I have been blessed with two wonderful bishops in the past. They are both former bishops of the BYU 138th Ward. These two men of God worked with me during my darkest hours. They literally picked me up from and kept me going. I love them with all my heart.

I had 4 roommates when I was at BYU who showed me unconditional love and support even when I was at my worst. When I arrived at BYU, my mental state was about a bad as it could have been. These brothers of the gospel prayed for me, cried with me, laughed with me, and spiritually nourished me. They know who they are. They know I love them.

I will post later some wonderful experiences with the Latter-Day Celebration Choir.

I think my greatest joy of all was my music. When I was baptized and had the Aaronic Priesthood bestowed upon me, I was called as the ward choir director. I felt inadequite and embarassed. However, the Lord worked within my heart, and I had remained a choir director for the length of my church membership, which was almost 7 years. I was a ward and stake choir director in Utah; at BYU, and in Pleasant Grove. My BYU ward choir was full of talent and passion, and it was an honor to conduct them and make beautiful music.

2007 Christmas Concert, Battlecreek 11th Ward

When I moved to Pleasant Grove, I was made the choir director. This choir started very small with only 5 people. By the time I was released, it had grown, and we had on average 40-50 people every Sunday. This choir did have talent, dont get me wrong, but there were some members who literally could not sing or read music if their life depended on it. I had this tradition of announcing from the pulpit during the church announcements that ward choir was open to everyone, regardless of ability (I think the fact that I also brought cookies, cake, or some kind of guilty pleasure every week helped me too!). Sometimes, I would walk right up to the person and say "give us a try!". And they did, and they usually ended up staying.

The members of my choir often told me in private that I was the reason they were in the choir. They told me of other experiences they had in other choirs, and how this one was different. They said they loved the passion I showed, the testimony I bore, and the knowledge I posessed.

I remember one Sunday after church. The choir sung a song called "Behold The Wounds In Jesus' Hands". My favorite line from that piece says,

     "Behold the wounds in Jesus's hands, look to your Lord and live! He yearns to bless you with His love, and all your sins forgive. Though empty is the heart of man, when it is filled with sin; come open wide your broken heart, and let your Savior in."

Even now as I wrote those words, tears come to my eyes. Anyways, after church a new member of the choir came up to me and thanked me for the Spirit that was felt. I told her I had nothing to do with it since the music comes from God, and with God all things are perfection. She was a young girl going to BYU. She handed me a small folded note written on the back of the church program. I still have it do this day.

"I just wanted to tell you that I have never been in a choir like yours before. Some of the members think you are to agressive in your teaching of the music, but I dont. I so much appreciate your love of music and your love of the Savior. In my home ward choir, all we did was sing hymns from the hymnal. It was nice and the Spirit was felt, but nothing to the extent of what you teach us. You not only show us how to read music, you also teach us how to draw closer to God. The arrangements you select and the time you place into teaching us reflects your love and testimony of the Lord, and I thank you for that."

That letter just caused me to almost break out in tears. I felt the love of these people in my choir. I loved them, and I knew they loved me.

I will offer many more posts on the positive experiences I have had in the church.

I am very sorry if my resignation letter somehow percieved that I had nothing but bad experiences. I simply wrote that letter the afternoon of the day of my discipline hearing, and was very hurt and sad. Yes those things did happen, but the many wonderful experiences I have had far outweigh the negative.