My Conversion Story

The late Pope John Paul II, a man I will forever admire and respect.

I was raised in my early years to be a devout Roman Catholic. I was baptized at on "older" age (meaning I was not baptized as an infant). I think I was 5 or 6 when I was baptized. My pastor from those days, Father Tim from St. Mel's Catholic Church in San Fernando Valley, CA, said to me "I baptize you, relieving you from the stain of original sin." This was my first connection to God, to Christ, and I began my Christian walk.

Growing up in Tennesssee, I was immersed into the "Bible Belt". I did not understand what all the different churches taught. To me, it didnt matter. They all believed in Jesus, and to me that was the most important thing. However, my Protestant classmates did not agree. I was contantly told I was not a Christian. I was told that I pray to statues, that I am eating flesh and blood, and that I was not going to heaven.

When I was 16, almost 17, I began to seriously study the Catholic Church. I wanted to know why people still thought I was not a Christian. I began to read alot of Catholic apologetic books (apologetics meaning the defense of religion, not something to be sorry for).  

I began to discern my life, and where God wanted me to be. I began to feel a call to the Catholic priesthood. I wanted to be a servant. I wanted to serve God. I think deep down, that was always my intention, even if I did not go about it in all the right ways. I began discerning the priesthood. I spent a week on retreat with a wonderful group of Catholic priests known as The Fathers of Mercy. They ran a quiet but active ministry in South Central Kentucky. I knew secluded life was not for me, so I said I would become a priest for the Diocese of Nashville, and I was to study at Seton Hall University in New Jersey. I toured the school for several weeks and virtually lived the life of a seminarian. I prayed 4 times a day, mass three times a day, Catholic religion classes, seminary formation, and much more. I was convinced this is what I was being called to do. I returned home and took the initial psychiatric tests necessary. I passed them with flying colors. Meanwhile, I found out that alot of my friends were Mormon, which I was completly unaware of until my senior year of high school.They were in the show choir with me, the tennis team, marching band, and musical theatre. They were truly some of the most unique and genuinly kind people I knew. They never insulted my faith. They never told me I was not a Christian. They just wanted to be my friend. However, in my anger and my bitterness, I also considered the Mormons to be my enemy, not my friend. I would accuse them of the same horrible things the other kids said to me. I told them they were not Christians because they did not believe in the Orthodox Trinity. I said they were nothing more than Protestants claiming not to be Protestants. They began to tell me things about Jesus, about the Lord's church, stuff that I could not believe. I started reading alot of anti-Mormon literature, mainly written by Catholic authors, as to why the LDS Church was not even a church, but was in fact a cult. I read about strange things, like "Kolob", the temple ceremony, the huge financial empire the church was in charge of. Finally, I found a video on the internet of the "true" LDS temple ceremony. An angry ex-Mormon named Ed Decker founded a "ministry" to save LDS people from going to hell. He showed this video in all of his classes (which were very expensive to attend; I guess being saved involves a significant financial contribution to the one doing the saving) of the temple ceremony. He claims to have snuck a video camera into a Mormon temple. I will not reveal what the video showed, but it was full of violent symbolisim, indicated instant death to those who ever told of the temple ceremony. It also contained many offensive sexual references as to what Mormons do in the temple. Even I could not believe how terrible this was, even as a staunch Catholic.

For pure curiosity, I went to www.lds.org , the official website of the Mormon Church, and I began to read the Book of Mormon online. I was very surprised as to the Christian focus of the Book. Every chapter and verse said something about the Savior. Because I thought myself to be "educated" in the ways of the world and enlightened in religion, I always believed that God did not only appear and/or visit just the people of Israel. It is a documented fact that long before the story of the Exodus, there were established kingdoms and countries from centuries before. These were advanced civilizations that were generations ahead in the areas of education, technology, and religion. Why wouldent God speak to them as well? If he loves all of His children and created them, why would he suddenly not speak to them? Why only speak to this small group of people known as The Israelites? I was surpsied by the historical nature of the Book of Mormon (I will explain that in a later entry). Having read the Quran (Koran) several times, I found that the Book of Mormon had a very Middle-Eastern style of writing. I began to read more information from historians, theologians, and archeologists.

I then, again for pure interest sake, began watching the LDS General Conference. There I was introduced to this tiny man named Gordon B. Hinckley. I truly thought he was a fake, claiming to be a "prophet". I mean, every Orthodox Christian teaching states that revelation has ceased, and is no more available to man. But I listened closely to his words. I never heard Christ spoken of more beautifully then from the mouth of this tiny man. I thought he was old and out of touch with reality. But, he said things that touched my soul, and showed me that while I might be theologically trained and proficient, I knew so little about a personal relationship with Christ.

I was performing in our parish production of Oklahoma. It was a yearly tradition that drew thousands of people from the community. I decided to invite the LDS missionaries I had met a few days prior, maybe thinking they would renouce their LDS faith and want to learn more about Catholicism. In any event, that didnt happen. A few days later I recieved a call from the Priesthood Director of the Diocese of Nashville. He asked me, "I heard you were talking to Mormon missionaries at St. Joe's. What is up with that?" I tried to explain to him that I thought it was neccessary to begin a dialouge with them in the attempt to convert them. The director essentially told me to "stay away" and "never talk to them again". He said he was fearful of where my soul was headed by engaging in such heretical conversation with the Mormons. Sure enough, I did not stop. I continued to read the Book of Mormon, articles about the Church, and more doctrinal positions. To my astonishment, I actually found myself agreeing with them. I knew it was time to be honest to myself. I never really believed in the Trinity. It did not make sense to me. How could God be in three places at one time, and still be one God? Did God the Father abandon Heaven for 33 years to come to Earth in the form of Jesus Christ? How could the Father and the Spirit speak to Jesus if they were not seperate entities? Also, I found myself questioning why I prayed to the Saints. Catholics are taught, especially in Hispanic countries, that God the Father is evil. He is a mean, angry, jealous God who does nothing but punish people and throw down judgement. So, we are encouraged to pray to Mary and ask her to intercede for us to God. Afterall, if your father is the mean one, generally your mother is the kind one.

What finally did it for me was the history of the papacy, the inconsistent history of the lineage of the popes. Catholic teaching states that Peter was the first pope, and he personally ordained every pope after him. The Catholic succession of the popes is full of incorrect facts and questionable tactics. For example, the first 13 popes, no one (not even the Catholic church) knows anything about. They are called the "questionable" popes since virtually nothing is known about them. Even the Catholic official list of popes has dates with a ? next to them, meaning they are not sure of when that person was ordained, how long his papacy was, and what did he do during that tenure. In the Middle Ages, many of the popes were in fact athiest. They simple wanted the political power and security the Catholic Church offered, since Europe was essentially one large Catholic state.

Anyways, I began to speak with the missionaries more often, and I had more questions concerning my Catholic faith. I would ask my pastor questions that I thought were extremly important if I was going to be a priest. To almost every question, he said "your not suppose to know that...it is a mystery of faith". I could no longer go on and pretend that I was comfortable being a priest. I planned to drop out of the priesthood program, but I came to find out I had already been dropped. My psychological tests were not suddenly perfect, but in fact had been changed to state that I was "unbalaned" and that I lacked the necessary faith to continue in the program.

I finished the Book of Mormon and took the challange offered by the prophet Moroni in the last verses of the book. He said that if you desire to know the truth of the book, you must get on your knees and pray to Heavenly Father and He will manifest the truth unto you. I did just that, and I felt nothing.

"I saw a pillar of light..."

During my mission, I had alot of new converts tell me that it took a "special something" to trigger the feelings of the spirit. For me it was the same case. I met with the missionaries and they began to tell me about the life of Joseph Smith. They then recited his exeprience in the Sacred Grove. "I saw a pillar of light, exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which decended gradually until it fell upon me. When the light rested upon me, I saw Two Personages, whose brightess and glory define all description. Standing above me in the air, one of the Personages looked to me and said 'This is my Beloved Son; Hear him'". I knew at that very moment that what I was hearing was true. I felt the power of the Spirit enter into my heart and testify to me that what I was hearing was the truth. 1 month later, I was baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I remember that day well. I would guess that about 75 people were in attendance, from all over the Nashville Stake. Soon after, I was set apart as a "mini" missionary for the Nashville Mission. I came to know all the elders very well as I took them from place to place, went on exchanges, and sometimes spent the night in their homes. I knew I wanted to serve a mission. And I did. I will never forget the feeling in the MTC when I put on my nametag for the first time.

And so, that is my story. I hope and pray that in some way it will fill your heart with inspiration. Even though I am no longer a member of the church, it is something I will hold in my memory for all my life. I am so sad that the Church that I love does not love me in return for simply exercising a lifestyle which I know I had no control over. I will cover more about this in another topic. May God's blessings be abundent unto you